rays of light in an abyss
Title: How Mom DiedSubtitle: A Caregiver Journey
A cartoon of Steve Wishman, the author of How Mom Died, diving in an attempt to save his mom from sinking into an abyss
A cartoon of Steve's mom, falling into an abyss, surrounded by medicine and medicare paperwork
A cartoon of Steve's mom, falling into an abyss, surrounded by medicine and medicare paperwork

How Mom Died

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How Mom Died, is an illustrated memoir by Steve Wishman, chronicling the experiences he had while caring for his mom at the end of her life. The themes range from the realities of being a caregiver, strained relationships, the numbing yet brutal nightmares of dealing with bureaucracy at the end of life, and everything in between. The story is sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always honest and vulnerable.

How Mom Died, is an illustrated memoir chronicling the experiences I had while caring for my mom at the end of her life. The themes range from the realities of being a caregiver, strained relationships, the numbing yet brutal nightmares of dealing with bureaucracy at the end of life, and everything in between. My story is sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always honest and vulnerable.

Mom was a difficult person to please, always keeping her approval just out of reach. In fact, her dying words to me were, “I don’t like the way you live.” Like many Korean parents, Mom’s retirement plan was to be taken care of by her family, so you’d think she would have tried harder to keep from alienating them. When her health started to decline, I was the only close family she had left, and I fell into the role of the reluctant caregiver. Hand in hand, we traversed the labyrinth of an unforgiving health care system where we learned how difficult it is for middle class Americans to retire with dignity, security, or a penny to their names.

Target Audiences

Families of aging parents

How Mom Died serves as a handbook for families going through this for the first time. I reveal the complexity of assisted living and in-home care in America, and the challenge of paying for it. How Mom Died joins the chorus of voices in the dying with dignity movement.

People from multi-cultural homes

The American approach to elder care differs vastly from from that of other cultures. That difference became very pronounced when Mom fell ill and needed help. Her expectations versus the realities of end-of-life care were a constant source of learning for us.

Children of DIFFICULT parents

The role-reversal of caring for an aging parent is hard enough, but when the relationship is strained, things can be exponentially challenging. In this story, I explore how suffering and generational trauma can be halted by following a compassionate path.
A cartoon drawing of wispy clouds

Structure

How Mom Died is a linear narrative that maps quite well to the monomyth, or “Hero’s Journey,” popularized by Joseph Campbell. Every caregiver's journey is a hero's journey, once they have chosen to answer the call. Most caregivers, in fact, will find themselves walking a very similar path.

How Mom Died is told in the style of a classic, syndicated comic strip. The modular format breaks a complex narrative down into bite-sized vignettes, turning a heavy topic into a page-turner. Across 241 comic strips, I try to identify the challenges and coping mechanisms that caregivers and the dying employ­­—consciously or otherwise—in a way that is relatable, authentic, and surprisingly humorous at times. Many of the obstacles we faced were beyond absurd, and in the face of absurdity laughter is often the best medicine.

A table of contents

How Mom Died is a linear narrative that maps quite well to the monomyth, or “Hero’s Journey,” popularized by Joseph Campbell. Every caregiver's journey is a hero's journey, once they have chosen to answer the call. Most caregivers, in fact, will find themselves walking a very similar path.

How Mom Died is told in the style of a classic, syndicated comic strip. The modular format breaks a complex narrative down into bite-sized vignettes, turning a heavy topic into a page-turner. Across 241 comic strips, I try to identify the challenges and coping mechanisms that caregivers and the dying employ­­—consciously or otherwise—in a way that is relatable, authentic, and surprisingly humorous at times. Many of the obstacles we faced were beyond absurd, and in the face of absurdity laughter is often the best medicine.